Biggest Car Poseur You've Ever Met?

"PatBateman" (PatBateman) 01/03/2015 at 18:39 • Filed to: PBQOTD

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After looking at Brian Silvestro's !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! earlier, I realized that we have all met "that guy". The dudebro that claims his Mustang V6 will smoke a GT because of the aftermarket pulley he put on, or how his mom's Grand Prix just beat a Corvette in the 1/4.

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Tell us all a story. Who was it (no names)? What did they claim? Did you roll your eyes at them/call them out/choke them out? These are the things we must know.

Photo Credit: PushToStart

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 18:43

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"I can totally drive fine after a night of drinking"

Also in Brian's post was

Reminds me of a guy I knew who claimed his S4 weighed only 2400 lbs. I laughed and responded that was insane as a lotus came in around 1900-2000. "Yeah, I swapped the hood, removed most of the insulation. The rear seats alone weigh 300lbs."

He also claimed his neighbor paid 100k in cash for a new Bentley Continential GT. Me:"That's like 150k car" Him "You get a huge discount if you pay cash"

PatBateman > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 18:44

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My Bro-In-Law that we don't talk to anymore because he's a jackass and a 'Roid-Raging buffoon (and he's still skinny too, HAHAHAHA):

He buys a non-WS-6 Trans-Am, puts a Flowmaster muffler on it, claims it will now beat a WS-6 and a Camaro SS (back pressure, bro!).

He then buys an extended cab non-turbo Harley Davidson F-150, says that, since his truck has a bigger engine than a Mustang GT, his truck is faster than a Mustang GT.

Seriously, bro. Like, dude, bro.

PatBateman > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas 01/03/2015 at 18:47

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Yeah, I read that one. Awesome.

I knew a guy once that claimed he he was about to buy a Lexus LFA. We tried to be nice about it, knowing that he was just trying to be a braggart, but he insisted he was going to pick it up and only pay $125k for it new. He said that since he was paying cash for it and knew the dealer, he was getting a great deal.

Ummm...

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 18:48

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Probably me.. Yeah I'm serious.. back in the day I had a '86 VW Golf GTi 16v with the 1.8 litre block replaced by a 2.0... in my mind I could race (and beat) ANY car... Sure my VW GTi DID pack some punch.. but a 2.0 16v Golf would never beat a BMW M3 (E36) even though my car had "racecams" and shit.. so yeah.. this/that is me.

PatBateman > Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh 01/03/2015 at 18:52

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LOL Bravo for your bravery in posting this. It's okay; most of us have talked ourselves up more than needed in the past.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 18:53

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I went to school with this guy, he is full of so much shit:

http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/i-know-some-st…

Sn210 > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 18:54

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"Mustangs are sick Hondas" - a real quote said to me

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 18:55

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No need to applaud me mate, a proper arse I was :P

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 19:03

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I went to school with a guy from Connecticut(relevant) that had a '74 Nova with the "numbers matching" 305, but his uncle worked for a NASCAR team and was going to source one of their twin turbo LS1's to put in it. First flaw to this is that the 305 wasn't put into the Nova until '75. Second flaw is why brag about having a 305. Third flaw was that the car was in pieces, and was 75% rust. Fatal blow, as we know NASCAR doesn't use twin turbo LS1's.

Second guy I went to school with claimed his dad had an original '66 Cobra 427, but it wasn't fast enough, so he twin turbo'd it. He had no pictures of it, and claimed his dad wouldn't photograph it. He was also from Connecticut.

Strike two for Connecticut.

GhostZ > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 19:08

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There's this poser I know who goes onto car forums and posts articles just so he can make a comment on his own post and tell some bullshit story about someone else's bad purchasing decisions.

Kidding, you know we love you.

Steve in Manhattan > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 19:08

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I believe it was the spring of 2007 - walking down Prince Street in SoHo and saw a car pretty much identical to the one below - maybe an '06 Elise. The lid was off, and there was a beautiful woman in the passenger seat, looked a lot like a young Padma Lakshmi. A guy, presumably her boyfriend, was talking to two other guys, leaning on the back of the car and expounding on horsepower, power-to-weight, add lightness, blah, blah, blah .... I stopped, of course, to look at the car. I acknowledged the woman, and as I started to leave, she very clearly mouthed the following words: "it's mine."

Brian Silvestro > Steve in Manhattan 01/03/2015 at 19:09

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best story so far

Alfalfa > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 19:11

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My neighbor's kids are a little posuerish, what's funny is their admiring a friend's new Mazda 3 right now. I could probably walk out there and come right back with some pretty amusing things. I'm lazy and don't want decrease my IQ, so I won't.

PushToStart > Steve in Manhattan 01/03/2015 at 19:14

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You should've asked her for a ride. Imagine the looks on all those dudes' faces when she switches seats and drives off with another man, lol

Steve in Manhattan > Brian Silvestro 01/03/2015 at 19:15

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I wrote about this in comments a couple months back in response to another post I can't remember. If she had motioned me into the driver's seat and said "escape with me," I probably would have gone. But then again, the GF was waiting for me to make dinner. And that car is pretty difficult to get in and out of ... and the maintenance! And hot woman are sometimes pretty demanding, at least in my experience, and my apartment at the time was a tiny unimpressive studio, and and and.

Brian Silvestro > Steve in Manhattan 01/03/2015 at 19:21

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And fuck it! Hot woman in a Lotus!

Steve in Manhattan > PushToStart 01/03/2015 at 19:22

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While I am 6 feet tall, I am by no means a threat to anyone. The boyfriend, if I recall correctly, was wearing a t-shirt with maybe a Gold's Gym logo on it, and he looked like he either worked there or was a frequent visitor. It would not have ended well.

Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 19:22

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A guy I know, he claims the volt is a pure electric, has no gas valves, and makes up bullshit for everything, and says anything made by Fiat is shit. he is unemployed and doesn't drive, and he wants a Camaro Z28 as his first car, and says it'll smoke anything it races. And it would be painted like bumblebee from the Bay Transformers movies. he also wants a Ferrari, I once told him Ferrari was owned by Fiat, and he pretty much burst into a gamer rage (he is basically a couch potato who is also afraid of bugs). Now he says he wants no phone and no car because they're too expensive.

daender > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 19:25

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The early Harley Davidson F-150 did come with the SVT Lightning engine except with a smaller supercharger pulley.

Steve in Manhattan > Brian Silvestro 01/03/2015 at 19:25

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Precisely - that doesn't happen very often. And I could have gone on for hours, asking her what she test drove before buying it, did you consider this or that, what about a Boxster that's slightly more practical, do you know who Colin Chapman is ... but I didn't want to get beaten to a pulp by the boyfriend, who was rather fit.

Brian Silvestro > Steve in Manhattan 01/03/2015 at 19:25

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#manhattanlife

Steve in Manhattan > Brian Silvestro 01/03/2015 at 19:30

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And I should add - there is a lot to look at on Prince - pretty people, cute stores, street vendors, but this thing was GREEN. Even people who probably had no idea what it was were staring.

MouseFitzgerald > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 19:31

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A guy I went to college with would always trump up anything car related in an atempt to show off. Issue being, he's an electrical engineer and myself and most of the people he knew were mech eng, and a little too into cars. First one that got me was his claim that his non-GT, untuned Legacy put out around 300HP. Didn't even try to argue that one, just nodded and "wow, must be quick".

Second big one was his claim that as an entry level engineer at a second tier automotive supplier, he had his choice in company car. (I'm thinking shenanigans, but whatever, maybe) His choice, as he claimed, was an Audi. When Me and a friend eagerly ask, which one, doubting the validity of the claim, his response was an RS7. I walked away then.

The last time I ever talked to him about wheeled propulsion, he was talking up his dad's car collection. He claimed his dad has had 3 Vipers over the years. While I didn't doubt that he could have owned them, knowing that his family isn't hurting for cash, when I asked him which gen and models they were, he said one was mid nineties. (Ok.) One was early 2000s and a race spec model. (ACR?) And the most recent was a newer V8. (No.)

With that I never mentioned cars to him again and his credibility to me was smashed worse than a high schooler at an after prom party. Some peoples kids...

Brian Silvestro > Steve in Manhattan 01/03/2015 at 19:32

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When the Elise came out everyone who didn't know cars just assumed supercar because of how crazy it looked.

People still do that when they see them, they're that cool.

Steve in Manhattan > Brian Silvestro 01/03/2015 at 19:38

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I think it verges on supercar status based on what it can do. Remember this?

Remember this? Exige more hard core, of course, but still.

Brian Silvestro > Steve in Manhattan 01/03/2015 at 19:39

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Yeah that car is seriously legit.

Goddammit now I HAVE to look at Elises for sale..

Viggen > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 19:40

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Former friend of mine:

Owned a Hyundai Tiburon. Claiming it was faster than a bunch of cars. Best time though was when he said he was racing someone when he had to drive underneath am eighteen wheeler to get his exit.

Also claimed his car was actually a "Tuscani which is an Italian car company who sells his car as a Hyundai in America."

Steve in Manhattan > Brian Silvestro 01/03/2015 at 19:40

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Please report back. I only hope I get to drive one before I go to that junkyard in the sky.

Brian Silvestro > Steve in Manhattan 01/03/2015 at 19:43

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By junkyard in the sky do you mean "spend life savings on something very obscure on Hemmings?"

PatBateman > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s 01/03/2015 at 19:44

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That was amazingly horrifying to read.

PatBateman > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 01/03/2015 at 19:47

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Connecti-bros.

PatBateman > GhostZ 01/03/2015 at 19:49

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DUDE BRO BRO!!! Don't kill my vibe bro!!

And admit it: as horrible as these stories are, you can't look away.

PatBateman > Steve in Manhattan 01/03/2015 at 19:51

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SHE WINS ALL THE THINGS.

PatBateman > Alfalfa 01/03/2015 at 19:53

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Probably a good idea.

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 19:56

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There is a guy on my street with a VW Jetta and it has vinyl product stickers on both sides of the car behind the front fenders. They list all kinds of things that have nothing to do with the VW. The best is the Tracker logo, as in GEO, they start as red at the top I think and as they go down the different stickers go through various colors. I keep wanting to leave a note asking what all of that has to do with his car.

415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) > Denver Is Stuck In The 90s 01/03/2015 at 20:01

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I am of the opinion that these kind of people back in the hunter gatherer days would have been killed by a deadly animal while we the smarter people who have common sense would have escaped or used strategy to kill the beast.

PatBateman > daender 01/03/2015 at 20:03

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The year before they made the blown engines, they put the regular NA engines in them. That's why I clarified on the engine.

PatBateman > Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy 01/03/2015 at 20:05

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As long as he stays in that basement, I think we're good.

PatBateman > Viggen 01/03/2015 at 20:07

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Oh that's bad...

WhiskeyGolf > MouseFitzgerald 01/03/2015 at 20:10

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And mechs win again!

PatBateman > 415s30 W123TSXWaggoIIIIIIo ( •_•))°) 01/03/2015 at 20:11

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DO IT. POST A PIC.

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 20:16

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All you had to say was Harley Davidson F-150

Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 20:20

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Not any specific person. But my friend has a 73 Pantera and I like to just stay around his car and listen to people. I've heard.

- It was a special Ferrari collaboration

- Hey, let's check out this old Lambo (Bruhhhhh)

- It has the drivetrain of a Toronado flipped backwards

Steve in Manhattan > Brian Silvestro 01/03/2015 at 20:24

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No, but suddenly that seems like a good idea.

Brian Silvestro > Steve in Manhattan 01/03/2015 at 20:25

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*falls into black hole that is Hemmings*

Steve in Manhattan > Brian Silvestro 01/03/2015 at 20:28

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Hey, I could drive that GMC motorhome everywhere, and always have a place to sleep, and it's only 19 grand! Oh wait - there's a '66 Thunderbird. Decent-sized back seat ....

PatBateman > Chuck 2(O=[][]=O)2 01/03/2015 at 20:31

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Yeah, I guess that tells the whole story.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 20:35

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They actually hated each other, even though they had quite a bit in common.

Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 20:51

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That fits his description pretty damn well.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 01/03/2015 at 21:11

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I knew a kid from CT who said his dad had an original Cobra, put a governor on it because it was too fast and he kept getting speeding tickets. Then hit a wall and was too distraught over the damage so he crated it up.

Was he from Newtown?

MouseFitzgerald > WhiskeyGolf 01/03/2015 at 21:32

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Hell yeah we do!!!

Sn210 > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 21:37

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I also had a kid tell me in freshman year of high school that he was going to buy a brand new Lamborghini Diablo for his first car. He thought he was loaded and offered me a $100 bill to let him cheat off me for the whole year. Little did he know, they stopped producing the Diablo in 2001. This was 2002. It would be 2005 before he'd get his license.

This ended up being his first car:

PatBateman > Sn210 01/03/2015 at 21:48

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My college roommate had one of those. Same color, too. He kept bragging because his truck (1997) was SOOOO much better than mine (1996 Chevy Silverado Extended Cab, DARK green). He shut his mouth after we raced (I had a Vortec 350, he had a V6).

Sn210 > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 21:53

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that must have been very satisfying. Did he have an excuse waiting for you?

Local Miata Bro > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 21:54

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I work for a Honda dealer on my brbreaks from school and I think this one is the best. I was picking up this lady from the opposite side of town so we had a good bit of time to conversate. I had mentioned that I autocross and love to race my car. She claimed that she beat a Corvette Z06 in a stoplight drag race with her Honda Insight, the newer 4 door cvt one. As a good sport I just played along with the story, but inside I was dying.

PatBateman > Sn210 01/03/2015 at 22:02

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I believe he blamed it on the tires. He said that it would be ALL OVER for me once he got 18" blacked out rims with BFG All-Terrains.

I'll let you figure out how that went on your own.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas 01/03/2015 at 22:02

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I dunno, was his name Mike?

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 01/03/2015 at 22:05

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No

PatBateman > Local Miata Bro 01/03/2015 at 22:05

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Wow. WOW. Just, WOW.

"Who knew those CVT Insights were such sleepers?! No ma'am, I'm not being condescending at ALLLLLLL!!"

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas 01/03/2015 at 22:06

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Not the same guy then. Connecticut is a hotspot for auto bullshitters apparently.

PatBateman > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 01/03/2015 at 22:09

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Everybody pack your shit, prep your spy cameras, and test your audio equipment: WE'RE GOING TROLLING FOR TROLLS IN CONNECTICUT.

Local Miata Bro > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 22:14

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Although at one point I claimed that my Accent did beat a Corvette as well. But it was driven by a dude bro who did give the nod/look that it was on. He gave it a bit of gas when light went green so I floored it all the way to red line in 2nd. My buddy backed me up on this one for a solid month until I broke

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 01/03/2015 at 22:17

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I think its due to a having a large number of affluent teenagers, particularly from Fairfield county. People from the 203 area code are.... different.

Sn210 > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 22:25

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lol did he blame the pavement next? "Bro, if we were offroad..."

PatBateman > Sn210 01/03/2015 at 22:32

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Nah, he just dropped it after that. Shortly thereafter, I moved out and never heard from him again.

Sn210 > PatBateman 01/03/2015 at 22:39

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good, same with the Diablo bro. I didn't have any other classes with him the rest of high school and I have no idea what he's doing today

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Viggen 01/03/2015 at 22:57

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Well, in other markets it is called the Tuscani, it is still in fact a Hyundai.

Viggen > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 01/03/2015 at 23:05

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I *tried* to explain that to him. Some people are lost causes though. He even took the Hyundai badges off claiming he was "waiting for his Tuscani badges to come in from Italy"

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Viggen 01/03/2015 at 23:14

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I'm guessing he's still waiting?

Viggen > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 01/03/2015 at 23:24

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Stopped talking to the guy in like 2010. Don't know. Probably, haha.

bryan40oop > PatBateman 01/04/2015 at 03:20

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Kid in highschool. Drove some FWD mazda econobox. Claimed to have turbo, pointed at alternator.

NJAnon > PatBateman 01/04/2015 at 18:45

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Only 2 in recent memory: The person at a local gathering claiming his Mitsubishi Eclipse has taken on all the modified cars in the area. He said and I quote "even those big boat american muscle cars lost to me too!" I ask him if its the 4WD version for rallying and what tuner shop he has gone too for the extensive work to be able to beat various classes of cars. He says no tuner shop needed & that he only needed to take out the back seat and put in a cold air intake to beat the people he "claimed" to beat.

Another person staked claim that if you don't buy German, you aren't winning on any level. He was knowledgeable about BMW's specifically, but he got sad when I showed him the SCCA races they had where his "BMW's" were losing to US and JPN cars.

#TheyHadItComing